I spin with it, clinging tightly to the ground. I think I'm lying flat, on an old tattered quilt in my backyard by a baby oak tree. Then I close my eyes, and I'm moving a million miles an hour on a titled sphere, and I can fall at any minute. It's scary. I'm spinning faster and faster, and it's far beyond my control. I can do nothing but dig my fingernails into the dust, holding tightly to what I know. There is mud in my mouth and dust on my cheeks. The earth is round, not flat, and it's swirling so fast that to let go would be to fall. To let go is to be destroyed. I dig in a little deeper.
I feel something telling me to let go, and the notion is so ludicrous I nearly laugh. Let go? And then what? I'm scared to even loosen my grip, let alone go free. Who can catch me if I were to let go, spin free, released?
I peek open an eyelid and see stars. Unimaginable beauty in the form of light beams, color swirls, planets and galaxies. Light, so much light. And I think, to let go might not be to fall hard into stardust. To let go would be to fall into the embrace of the One who made this.
I don't know much about this Maker, but I see His light. I spit dirt out of my teeth and look in awe of it. I think, I'd rather taste the milky way than muddy earth. I'd rather see light than dirty darkness. And I think, I have to let go. But how?
And now, I am stuck here. Yearning, yet still stuck in the mire. This piece of ground is not comfortable, or even safe, but it feels something like home. It's all I've known. I see light, I crave light, yet getting to it, to touch and feel it, is much harder than I once thought.
It is slow going, but regardless if I had immediately jumped from the earth to the heavens in one fearless leap, or pried each finger slowly from its homely hole in the ground, I will seek this great Unknown. It is a wonder and a mystery that I should see Light at all, let alone that the Light Maker should call me near to it, let alone that I find strength in that call to slowly yet surely take the plunge. Faith in the Master of Light takes more guts, more trust, and more bravery than I ever thought. But I will truly see those heavens someday: I will hold planets with one hand, and eat stars like candy, and the Maker will adorn me in His sunbeams. Until then, I will slowly loose one finger at a time and fix my eyes on those glorious stars. I will seek, I will dream, and when I can, I will let go fully, and leap into the completely covering, all sufficient Light of the Maker.
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