On Body Shaming

Recently I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed and stumbled upon this gem of a status update:

“Thigh gaps are really creepy and kind of gross.”

A few other people commented on this, saying that this is “essentially skinny shaming,” and this person went on to say that “if this is skinny shaming, you have taken the whole ‘body shaming’ thing wayyyyy too far.”

Siggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

People.  I really thought we were getting somewhere.  I thought we were getting past this.

Guess not.

I know what she’s getting at, but at first glance, it sounds so so so wrong.  Let me break this down for you:

The first thing we need to recognize here is that though this person may not have intended it to come across in this manner, the words “creepy” and “gross” are undeniably body shaming. And that is undeniably unacceptable.  Skinny people are just as susceptible to body shaming as fat people, folks.  It works both ways.  Making fun of, degrading, and deeming anyone less than anyone else is called shaming.  And when this person used these words, another Facebook user commented saying that she’d dealt with an eating disorder her whole life trying to obtain the holy, sacred thigh gap, and that if she’d not been at a healthier state now, seeing those words would have really brought her down.  That is why we need to stop shaming people for how they look.  

Body shaming hit me hard when I was younger and got a hold of me until a year and a half ago.  Because of one little boy in the fifth grade deeming me too fat to date, I had an awful relationship with food most of my preteen and early teen years.  I never went too extreme, but because of a body-shamer, I was twelve years old and on a strict diet that made me break down with guilt if I ever broke or indulged.  I was twelve years old and hating every part of my being, praying to be skinny just to be happy and carefree like all the “pretty” girls, whose lives were so easy because they were attractive, and I was not.  That, my friends, is only one story amongst many other victims.  That is why we need to stop calling any one “gross” for how they look.

Secondly, this person fails to distinguish between attraction and beauty.  In the comments, this person continually says that it’s her opinion to think this body trait is “creepy.”  Other people comment saying that “unibrows”, “wieners”, and “ballsacks” are all gross as well as thigh gaps.  Here’s the thing:  it is so totally okay to find anything unattractive in a person.  You can have a preference in appearance, whether you like blonde hair, green eyes, big muscles, skinny legs, thunder thighs, or even thigh gaps.  I, personally, like boys that are tall with big noses and bushy eyebrows, but just because I meet a nice guy without any of these traits doesn’t mean I’ll turn my nose up at him or degrade him by calling him ugly or “gross.”  I think one of the big things we as a society need to separate is beauty and attractiveness.  Beautiful, to me, is more of behavior, actions, and how you present yourself to the world.  Kindness, generosity, and selflessness are all beautiful traits to have.  Attractiveness, on the other hand, is sort of the human equivalent of having the brightest fur or the longest neck or the loudest mating call.  Animals are drawn to those with the traits that will help them or their offspring survive, and humans are drawn to people with the traits that are cool or acceptable in society, which, in this day and age, is money and physical appearance, and without these traits, you might find it hard to survive with all the body-shamers.

In the end, I understand what this poster intentionally meant.  Thigh gaps just aren't something his or her finds particularly attractive, which is an okay thing to say.  The way it was put together, and his or her snarky attitude in the comments are what rubbed me wrong and what forced me to wright this long-ish response.

(If you ever see this, though, original poster, please understand I’m not trying to attack you.  I get what you said, but I do not appreciate how it was phrased.  I hope you understand.)

I encourage you all to go and live shamelessly and unapologically.  Please do your best to love and encourage everyone you meet, and don’t give anyone hate because of the way they look.  Also try and see the beauty in people, as well as the attractiveness.